[009] honesty is rarely the best policy

[notafuckingnut]

We crash into things, we stop at fucking weird places, and now the damn boat floods?  What's next, we get hit by pirates?

...Actually that would be kinda cool.  Maybe then I would get to kill people without everybody hassling me about it all the time.  Or join them; I like their philosophy.  Their eye patches?  Not so much.  They creep me out.

Although they are kinda cool underneath; did you know eyeballs don't squish as much as you'd think?


[Cheerful, AFFECTED Richie is both cheerful and affected!  Warning: he also shares ENTIRELY too much and is likely to run his mouth until you tell him you really would like him to stop talking.  And even then he might try to continue anyway.

Belated, and I really should have put this up sooner:

Trigger Warnings: contained below is casual discussion of rape, torture, animal abuse, accidental murder, and confusion between kink and domestic violence, as well as TERRIBLE anti-rape advice.]

Comments

[general-chang.livejournal.com]

[Also affected.] Eyepatches have no eyes underneath. My own was ripped out of me in a battle against the usurper Kalnor, who wanted the Empire. I suppose you could take the view it was ironic since I also tried to assassinate the serving Chancellor, but it's only superficial. I had no desire to take over, just to ensure that the Federation didn't pollute the Empire with their pacific ideals.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

...I know eyepatches don't have eyes underneath. That's why people cover them. They make people uncomfortable. The patches themselves are what creep me out because you don't know what's under there. You can guess, but it's hidden so you don't know for sure. It could be an attack weasel that wants to chew your balls off for all you know. The socket part's kinda cool.

Although I'm not so sure about the skull-fucking thing. I mean, I'm a little curious, but I'm always worried they're gonna end up being a zombie, and getting turned through your dick's kinda a shitty way to go, yanno?

So that's how you got that. I was wondering, but I've never really talked to you before so it was a little hard to ask.

[general-chang.livejournal.com]

My patch is bolted on, a weasel, though I have no clue what that is and assuming it's an animal, would quickly die. Also it would be rather uncomfortable and distracting.

Zombification is a disturbing fate, regardless of how you get there.

[darknessb4me]

It's not communicable like that. You're an idiot.

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

Don't know why I never told you this before, but...

When you say things like that I think my husband would like you.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not but I'm going to assume it is; it makes me feel more secure about everything.

You're married?

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

It's one this time. It isn't always but you two seem like you like the same things.

Not really it's hard to explain but I'd lived with him about a year so it's easier to say.

Not affected.

[some-kinda-hero.livejournal.com]

You've...squished eyes before?

oh dear XD

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

Mmhmm. A few times. The first one was an accident because I missed, but the other times I meant to, but I told Seth I didn't because it only would have gotten him more pissed off and I don't like it when he gets pissed off. He worries, and he's fucking scary when he's worried. But it's fun; you should try it sometime. It's like stabbing a grapefruit, only smaller.

...Although sometimes they scream and it's not so fun then. That's why I usually wait until they won't if I'm going to do it. I don't always.

Private. For his sake.

[some-kinda-hero.livejournal.com]

[Gulps.] How many people have you done this to?

[notrueking.livejournal.com]

While I have no idea why you would consider them unsettling, I'm not particularly fond of them myself. They're quite inconvenient when you're only using them to hide conspicuously nonhuman features.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

They might be hiding attack ferrets and I like my balls. And that whole area; I would be really fucking pissed off if it got damaged by ferrets because then I wouldn't be able to screw. And I really like to screw even if the girls usually change their minds about it halfway through.

You have two eyes?

[notrueking.livejournal.com]

I am not entirely sure how one would go about fitting an entire ferret in their eye socket, though given how brainless humans tend to be, it wouldn't surprise me if someone had died trying.

I did. ...prior to having it gouged out, at least.

[subtlescience]

I knew several pirates. I didn't like them. They were generally very dirty, and I find it insulting that people take issue with my hair when Barbossa hadn't seen the inside of a shower in years.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

Well your hair is fucking greasy; I don't give a shit but most people don't like that even if you're clean everywhere else.

That's your whole thing against pirates, that they don't shower?

[subtlescience]

I've been taking better care of it. It makes me feel despondent that no one has noticed, but I'm going to decide that I'm superior to all of you and brush it off.

I also take issue with the lifestyle in general. They killed a lot of people without giving it much thought. I think a pirate would probably try to kill me.

[toldastory]

It's a hard life being a pirate, you know. And they smell very bad because they don't bathe.

But it depends on the pirates.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

Is it? It looks like all yo ho hos and swashbuckling. It sounds like fun!

[toldastory]

And starving and chronic dehydration and scurvy.

Unfiltered Honesty + These Two = Horror

[grahamcommawill.livejournal.com]

You'd probably do well as a pirate. Raping and pillaging and what not. It's how you live by now anyway. Or used to before you came here. I know that I'm to teach you all of its wrong, but despite advice from my former mentor, who I still have mixed feelings about, I'm not even sure where to begin.

*siiiiigh*

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

I don't rape people! I don't.

I mean, I guess that's how it looks, but it's not my fault they change their minds!

[All the petulant. The sad part is that he IS telling the truth here.]

It's just that things gets confusing sometimes. And then I'm s'posed to feel bad about it when I didn't do anything wrong in the first place. And I don't like that.

...You were talking to somebody about me?

[grahamcommawill.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I did. I'd been drinking, which is something I've mostly stopped doing since my last inmate and my trip back home, but I was not drunk. I do have self-control, even if I ignore it sometimes. I wasn't talking with him so much as listening to him talk about you. He does that extraordinarily well, you know.

Feeling bad is a good thing, Richie. Which I know sounds odd, but there it is. People need to have regret and guilt and we can't all be happy sunshine people forever. [If at all, but that's beside the point.]

Spam! - new comment for reading ease, and off to bed after this. Night!

[some-kinda-hero.livejournal.com]

[Claire had just begun her shift at the gym, curious if Richie really would be waiting here or if he would have left by now. And between his eye comment and the sex wish, she wasn't so sure on how she would act around him now.]

Spam! - omg! and g'night!

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

[True to his word, he was waiting. He'd contemplated leaving, going back to his room and working out his frustrations in one way or another, but he told himself he'd wait just a little longer, just another minute, and one became two, two became four, and after that he stopped keeping track.

It seemed to have paid off when he saw her approaching. He smiled in greeting, the same goofy, unassuming, utterly harmless expression he usually adopted, as if their earlier conversation had never happened.]

Hey. I was starting to wonder if you weren't gonna show.

Spam!

[some-kinda-hero.livejournal.com]

[She just bobbed her head once, a polite enough smile on her mouth.] Yeah, well, gotta work and all.

[Claire moved past him to set her things aside and relieve the previous shift. She did a quick once-over on the gym to get a handle on who all was present and the state of the place. ] So, what's up, Richie? Something tells me you're not here to work out.