[009] honesty is rarely the best policy

[notafuckingnut]

We crash into things, we stop at fucking weird places, and now the damn boat floods?  What's next, we get hit by pirates?

...Actually that would be kinda cool.  Maybe then I would get to kill people without everybody hassling me about it all the time.  Or join them; I like their philosophy.  Their eye patches?  Not so much.  They creep me out.

Although they are kinda cool underneath; did you know eyeballs don't squish as much as you'd think?


[Cheerful, AFFECTED Richie is both cheerful and affected!  Warning: he also shares ENTIRELY too much and is likely to run his mouth until you tell him you really would like him to stop talking.  And even then he might try to continue anyway.

Belated, and I really should have put this up sooner:

Trigger Warnings: contained below is casual discussion of rape, torture, animal abuse, accidental murder, and confusion between kink and domestic violence, as well as TERRIBLE anti-rape advice.]

Comments

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

Don't know why I never told you this before, but...

When you say things like that I think my husband would like you.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not but I'm going to assume it is; it makes me feel more secure about everything.

You're married?

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

It's one this time. It isn't always but you two seem like you like the same things.

Not really it's hard to explain but I'd lived with him about a year so it's easier to say.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

So it's a good thing. Now.

I need to ask because I need constant reassurance that I'm doing okay and things are the way I think they are because they aren't always and I usually can't tell. And I don't always believe people when they say things like that which is why I'm going to ask what you mean by "it isn't always".

Also. Why would you say you're married if you aren't?

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

Sometimes he hangs around guys who I think are going to cause him trouble. I'm usually right about that. ...I don't think you're like that.

I don't want people I don't know to think I'm easy. It doesn't seem like anyone cares here, but I still care.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

...No, I'm usually the one who would be causing it. I don't mean to, but I do.

But you can still be married and be easy. It happens all the time; the last chick I fucked was.

...Okay, "easy" might be going a little far, she was shaking like a leaf the whole time and then she started screaming and kicking and she tried to fucking bite me and I had to make her stop so she wouldn't get me in trouble. But she was married, and she went along with it for a while. That's almost the same thing, right?

Not that I'm saying you're easy. You're like Seth only with tits.

[Whatever that means.]

oh god richie /) /// (\

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

He can keep a kid like you in line, though. Does it all the time, and I think he'd like you if you wanted to listen to him.

[oh my god what the hell. She's still got a little sense of tact even with the curse on, she wouldn't be Lua without it.] That's not the same thing. Don't think I want to be alone with you now, even if you don't want to screw me.

Seth's your boss? Brother?

WHYYYY DOES HE SAY THESE THINGS.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

...I don't think I like your husband very much then; I know I need to be kept in line because I do things I'm not supposed to if I'm not but I don't like it.

[Fffff. HE DIDN'T MEAN TO CREEP YOU OUT, LUA. He just has zero tact or concept of when he should stop talking. Especially not now when he is physically incapable of lying.]

But she said it was okay in the beginning. She just...changed her mind. You don't have to feel weird about it though, you don't count anyway.

...Please don't feel weird about it. I don't really get why you keep saying things that sound like they're supposed to be helpful, but I think I would be kind of disappointed if you stopped. And I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about that; it makes me uncomfortable but I think I might be okay with it.

Seth's my brother! He's still in Mexico though. I think.

tw: bad advice about rape, blurring of the line between kink and domestic violence

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

Never had a guy tell me a story like that. Ladd used to like to talk about how he wanted to kill me when we were doing it, but he wanted to save it 'till we really got married. Sounds really weird when another guy talks about it.

If you're smart next time you'll let her go before she causes you trouble. You already went to prison for it once; they'll fry you if they get you for murder on that. ...even if it doesn't matter here.

I tell you things like I just said because I don't think anyone ever did - though I guess your Seth did - and I knew a few guys like you back home who needed the help. Makes me feel good to do that again.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

...Well it's not like I ever mean to kill 'em. It just kinda... happens. But then I can't ever actually explain why it did so I hafta make up a lie that makes it sound okay.

...Which Seth always sees through 'cause he's Seth.

But I'm dead already. They can't fry me when I'm already dead. And I don't think they kill people here for doing things. I mean, I heard what you said, but I probably won't remember it later.

Seth mostly just yells and gets in my face and stuff. But I like your advice.

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

You shouldn't come up with stories, then, just say it. It's easier.

I meant they'd take you to the chair when you went home if you did it again. You get the same advice from Seth as me? You should probably listen to him.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

But he wouldn't like it. I don't like making him worry, he's scary when he worries. It's better to tell a story and hope he goes for it even if he doesn't; he wants to believe 'em.

...I'm dead though. I'd still be dead when I went back. I think.

Seth doesn't really advise. He yells and shoves and says "no" a lot. Not really advice. I try to listen though. It just...doesn't stick for long.

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

... think you need more help than Seth or I can give you.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

But I'm fucking fine. Why does everybody think I'm not?

...What kind of help? I don't think I really want to know but I'm asking anyway.

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

I want to say an analyst but I don't think that's the kind of thing you need. I don't know but you need someone smarter than either of us.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

...What, you mean like a SHRINK? Fuck that. I don't want anybody poking around in my brain, it's crowded enough as it is. Will already tried and I don't fucking like it.

I'm not crazy. I'm NOT. And I'm going to keep saying it until somebody proves otherwise. And even then I'll probably still say it anyway.

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

I don't understand why you're angry about the idea. It's not bad if you're crazy unless it gets in the way of you doing what you want. Everyone says Ladd is, and they're right, but when he's got someone there to look out for him - like he had me or you had Seth - he's okay.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

Because I don't want to be! 'Cause Seth treats me like a kid when he thinks I'm acting that way and I fucking hate it but I don't get what the hell I'm doing wrong because it makes sense but he never sees it. Or believes me; not really, even though he says he does. And it just...sucks.

What the hell kind of a name is Lad?

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

Then you need someone who can help you work it out. Not a doctor if you don't want that, and I know you don't like your warden, and I'm not smart enough... I don't know who.

[there are weirder names in her universe] Never asked him.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

It's not that I don't like Will; he's not all bad. I just don't get him. So I don't trust him.

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

Someone gave me mine's file. I get a little about her now, and I hate that, because that means she might be right about what I have to do to get out of here.

You have anyone else you can trust around here?

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

OH! I got his file too. I looked through it, sort of. It didn't help though.

Ehh. You. And...that's it. I want to trust Will 'cause he's my warden and everything and I know that's what he's there for and he's just trying to help but I'm afraid he's gonna try to replace Seth. And I resent him for that.

[dovehearted.livejournal.com]

Get into who he is so you can know how to handle him. You don't have to let him help you in the way he wants, but you can try to get him to help you the way you want if you know him better.

It makes me sad I'm the only person you trust here, but at the same time it makes me feel like you need me. That feels good, but I don't think I should want you to need me.

[notafuckingnut.livejournal.com]

...Like how I know I can get away with shit with Seth as long as I tell him what I saw He doesn't always believe me but he usually lets it go as long as it's not a girl 'cause he doesn't want me to be a nutcase either. Okay, I'll remember that.

I don't like needing you; I don't like needing anybody. I don't like needing Seth either, but I can't imagine not needing him so I try not to think about how much I do. It's why I hate being here so much; he's not and I don't know what to do with myself. Plus he's my brother so it's different; I know he's got my back. You...I'm not sure about still. I think you do too, but you're a girl so it's weird.

I don't want to talk about this anymore; it's making me feel vulnerable and I fucking hate that. Usually I hurt people who try to make me feel that way but I don't want to hurt you 'cause I actually like you.