[034] May the Fourth (Wall) Be With You

[notafuckingnut]

...I'm not gonna ask for porn this time. Too much weird shit happened last time.

If that crazy-ass pony's back, though, I promise it's glue. You're funny enough but nobody gets to talk to me like that and get away with it.

[He's not asking for Seth he's not he's NOT. Seth isn't here, he won't be, he can't be.]

So. Hi everybody, I guess? I'd say welcome, but you don't want to be here. Trust me.

Comments

[pikitis]

[Here's a douchey-looking child, eating a plum and smirking.] You think there's a pony over there?

[notafuckingnut]

No. I'm hoping there isn't.

What's your problem?

[pikitis]

You must've thought there was one there sometime, though.

[notafuckingnut]

There was last time.

[pikitis]

Of course there was. Why wouldn't there be a pony on a spaceship?

[notafuckingnut]

I don't make the rules, man, I'm just saying. You don't need to be a douche.

Say its name three times, I'm sure it'll show up.

[That's Beetlejuice, but whatever.]

[shinylittlekey]

[Meet the Slayer's little sister.]

...Ew. You asked for porn?

[notafuckingnut]

Uh. Yeah?

[WHERE IS THE WEIRD IN THIS there is none.

Also hello teenage girl, way to make this uncomfortable. He's just...going to be over here.]

I mean...I didn't ask this time. I'm just...saying.

[shinylittlekey]

[THERE IS AN ENTIRE WORLD OF WEIRD IN THAT. Except maybe not really. Boys like to ask for porn, Dawn is aware of this.]

So you're hoping you won't get porn this time? [She's good at making things uncomfortable. She has the power of AWKWARD on her side.]

[notafuckingnut]

I know better than to ask this time? I ended up with a genie and a pony last time.

[...it was a very strange day. He's also trying not to be a creep here, but. He kind of fails at that part; ohhh girls. How do they work.]

[shinylittlekey]

...A pony gave you porn? [Expression clearly reading: WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING.]

[notafuckingnut]

No, the genie gave me porn.

...Well. It said it would, but there was a contract I had to sign first.

[All the face pulling.]

[tatra]

Hello! May I ask what exactly is happening?

[notafuckingnut]

People show up sometimes that aren't supposed to be here. It'll be over in a day or so.

Uh. This is the Barge. I'm Richie.

[tatra]

Oh my, how strange!

I am Tatra. [ She gestures to the room behind her. ] This is our ship, the Bravada.

[notafuckingnut]

You've got a ship too?

[He leans forward, shifting his angle, as if that will help him get a better view.]

[tatra]

It belongs to the government of Chizeta, but it is at the command of my sister and I. [ There is tea on a table. Otherwise it looks like a bizarre cross between something Turkish and a fantasy palace. ]

[notafuckingnut]

...oh.

But still. You've got a ship. Going anywhere good?

[alwayshasaplan]

[There is a lot of fumbling in the dark for about a minute. Then someone turns on a light and there in all its glory is the original Playboy photo spread of the Barbie Twins.]

[notafuckingnut]

[Fffff you are the best brother ever, Seth. Just...the best.

Although he's making a point not to actually look at the guy holding the skin mag. It CANNOT BE SETH that would be too cruel.]

...well fuck. That's better than any of the shit I got here.

You're not gonna make me sign a contract for it, are you?

[alwayshasaplan]

[He keeps paging through it slowly. When he comes to the end, there's a sigh, and Seth says] Hell to the no. My baby brother wants porn, I don't care if he's dead and on the television and I'm fucking dreaming off a bad drunk. He's gonna get porn.

[notafuckingnut]

I'm not--

[...okay, he is. Semantics.]

And you're not?

[alwayshasaplan]

Dead? Me? No, I...I'm in El Rey, I made it, no problems. I just...I keep having these fucked up dreams about you. [he mops his face with a hand and reaches for some Penthouse.]

[colormejellerz]

Siri, who diagnosed crazy glue?

[notafuckingnut]

Excuse you?