[034] May the Fourth (Wall) Be With You

[notafuckingnut]

...I'm not gonna ask for porn this time. Too much weird shit happened last time.

If that crazy-ass pony's back, though, I promise it's glue. You're funny enough but nobody gets to talk to me like that and get away with it.

[He's not asking for Seth he's not he's NOT. Seth isn't here, he won't be, he can't be.]

So. Hi everybody, I guess? I'd say welcome, but you don't want to be here. Trust me.

Comments

[notafuckingnut]

...okay.

[But he doesn't look happy about it. Relieved? Yes. Happy? No.]

Just...promise me you'll stick around this time, okay? You were here before but you disappeared. It was really fucking shitty of you.

[A long pause, and there's some grinding in the silence. He won't even look at his brother. Sorry, Seth; he REALLY doesn't like this whole situation.]

You'll have to die. That's how it works.

[alwayshasaplan]

I...

Shit. If that place messes with people's heads it could just have easily messed with my memory. I can't remember coming and going but if I did, I'm fucking sorry. And yeah, whatever happens...I'll find a way.

...

Richie, put in your bit.

[A long silence at that.]

Hell. That sure as shit gives me something to think about, doesn't it? [He's hardly one to put a gun to his own head, but...Richie.]

[notafuckingnut]

[The movement's automatic; hand shoved in his pocket, case pulled out, retainer popped in with a mildly annoyed look and ffff it's been FOREVER since he's gotten the order but it almost makes things Normal.]

How long has it been? For you.

[alwayshasaplan]

Two weeks...three days...seven hours. Have I mentioned missing the shit out of you?

Lemme know what out of your collection you want views of. I got the whole box.

[notafuckingnut]

Shit, yeah, that'd be why you don't remember. You were from like a year after last time. I miss you too, brother.

[...so much he replaced him with a girl. THIS MAKES SENSE really.]

Um. The one with Melissa Holliday. Pam Anderson. ...Sharon Stone, I guess. I mean, I only have the one here, so.

[alwayshasaplan]

Yeah, okay, you got it. [he starts going through his trunk of Richie's stuff and finds them, then starts showing each page at a time. O HAI BARGE PORN HERE.]

We're gonna find a way to work this out, Richie.

[notafuckingnut]

Thanks, Seth. You're the best.

[Right in public too. Oh yeah. This conversation is getting the fuck bookmarked for later.]

...yeah, okay.

[He doesn't sound too convinced of that though.]

[alwayshasaplan]

Yeah, I don't blame you for being skeptical if I fucking showed up and vanished on you. But it's true.

[He keeps paging through the porn as casually as if showing off room designs.]

Yeah, Pam Anderson back when she was hot.

[notafuckingnut]

Okay. I said okay.

[Glaaaaaaazed eyes and a thousand mile stare.] ...She's still fucking hot.

[Richie. You like anything with boobs and legs. Your opinion doesn't really count for much.]

[alwayshasaplan]

Yep. I don't know what the deal is about how women are supposed to only be hot from like, sixteen to twenty four. It just ain't true.

[It is so comforting to be doing something normal for the first time in weeks.]

Tina fucking Turner, man. Those legs. She's like, what, fifty? Older? Still got it.

[notafuckingnut]

Yeah, I mean. Shit, there's plenty of broads still rockin' it. Elvira? Age is just a number anyway, there's plenty of the younger ones who...You can't beat the classics, you know?

[alwayshasaplan]

I'm telling you, man, once we find a way to get you out of there I'm finding myself a nice thirtysomething. Younger girls always try to change you.

[notafuckingnut]

...or get you arrested.

[Richie your life and choices.]

[impure_tale]

J'approve, mes amis. J'approve.

[alwayshasaplan]

Hey, we've picked up a random Period French Guy. Hi there. This is Playboy, a classic softcore skin and lingerie mag. The articles are pretty good too, but I only look at them on about the third read.