notafuckingnut | [034] May the Fourth (Wall) Be With You

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[034] May the Fourth (Wall) Be With You

...I'm not gonna ask for porn this time. Too much weird shit happened last time.

If that crazy-ass pony's back, though, I promise it's glue. You're funny enough but nobody gets to talk to me like that and get away with it.

[He's not asking for Seth he's not he's NOT. Seth isn't here, he won't be, he can't be.]

So. Hi everybody, I guess? I'd say welcome, but you don't want to be here. Trust me.

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[Fffff you are the best brother ever, Seth. Just...the best.

Although he's making a point not to actually look at the guy holding the skin mag. It CANNOT BE SETH that would be too cruel.]

...well fuck. That's better than any of the shit I got here.

You're not gonna make me sign a contract for it, are you?

[He keeps paging through it slowly. When he comes to the end, there's a sigh, and Seth says] Hell to the no. My baby brother wants porn, I don't care if he's dead and on the television and I'm fucking dreaming off a bad drunk. He's gonna get porn.

I'm not--

[...okay, he is. Semantics.]

And you're not?

Dead? Me? No, I...I'm in El Rey, I made it, no problems. I just...I keep having these fucked up dreams about you. [he mops his face with a hand and reaches for some Penthouse.]

Yeah, but you were here, Seth. And you said you died.

[He frowns, starting to border into sulking. He wants you to be okay, Seth, but...he can't resolve the two versions.]

I've had a lot of dreams of dying too. Sometimes they get mixed up. I'm sorry if weird shit's happening on your end and it's somehow my fault, but...it's like part of me's trying like hell to get where you are.

No, it's not, it's just...

This place. It fucks with you. It's...

[He rubs the back of his head, trying to find the right words; normally they would just flow, but his train of thought isn't quite so fast these days.]

You don't want to be here. They'll get in your head.

Richie. Look. I do not give a single fuck whether you are in Hell itself. You're there, I should be there. We're a team. I don't really know what's going on or how shit works, but...if there's any human fucking way I can get there and stay with you, I will get there and stay with you. Just give me time to figure out how.

...okay.

[But he doesn't look happy about it. Relieved? Yes. Happy? No.]

Just...promise me you'll stick around this time, okay? You were here before but you disappeared. It was really fucking shitty of you.

[A long pause, and there's some grinding in the silence. He won't even look at his brother. Sorry, Seth; he REALLY doesn't like this whole situation.]

You'll have to die. That's how it works.

I...

Shit. If that place messes with people's heads it could just have easily messed with my memory. I can't remember coming and going but if I did, I'm fucking sorry. And yeah, whatever happens...I'll find a way.

...

Richie, put in your bit.

[A long silence at that.]

Hell. That sure as shit gives me something to think about, doesn't it? [He's hardly one to put a gun to his own head, but...Richie.]

[The movement's automatic; hand shoved in his pocket, case pulled out, retainer popped in with a mildly annoyed look and ffff it's been FOREVER since he's gotten the order but it almost makes things Normal.]

How long has it been? For you.

Two weeks...three days...seven hours. Have I mentioned missing the shit out of you?

Lemme know what out of your collection you want views of. I got the whole box.

Shit, yeah, that'd be why you don't remember. You were from like a year after last time. I miss you too, brother.

[...so much he replaced him with a girl. THIS MAKES SENSE really.]

Um. The one with Melissa Holliday. Pam Anderson. ...Sharon Stone, I guess. I mean, I only have the one here, so.

Yeah, okay, you got it. [he starts going through his trunk of Richie's stuff and finds them, then starts showing each page at a time. O HAI BARGE PORN HERE.]

We're gonna find a way to work this out, Richie.

Thanks, Seth. You're the best.

[Right in public too. Oh yeah. This conversation is getting the fuck bookmarked for later.]

...yeah, okay.

[He doesn't sound too convinced of that though.]

Yeah, I don't blame you for being skeptical if I fucking showed up and vanished on you. But it's true.

[He keeps paging through the porn as casually as if showing off room designs.]

Yeah, Pam Anderson back when she was hot.

Okay. I said okay.

[Glaaaaaaazed eyes and a thousand mile stare.] ...She's still fucking hot.

[Richie. You like anything with boobs and legs. Your opinion doesn't really count for much.]

Yep. I don't know what the deal is about how women are supposed to only be hot from like, sixteen to twenty four. It just ain't true.

[It is so comforting to be doing something normal for the first time in weeks.]

Tina fucking Turner, man. Those legs. She's like, what, fifty? Older? Still got it.

Yeah, I mean. Shit, there's plenty of broads still rockin' it. Elvira? Age is just a number anyway, there's plenty of the younger ones who...You can't beat the classics, you know?

I'm telling you, man, once we find a way to get you out of there I'm finding myself a nice thirtysomething. Younger girls always try to change you.

...or get you arrested.

[Richie your life and choices.]

J'approve, mes amis. J'approve.

Hey, we've picked up a random Period French Guy. Hi there. This is Playboy, a classic softcore skin and lingerie mag. The articles are pretty good too, but I only look at them on about the third read.

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