notafuckingnut | [001] where were you, I was worried

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[001] where were you, I was worried

[Text. Or, more specifically, a series of them, spread a couple minutes apart]

SETH. Cmon Seth this isn't funny. Where the fuck r u weve got a rendezvous 2 make. At least I think we do. What the fuck is this place anyway? The service sucks the beds like a rock and there isn't even a TV. What am I supposed to do in here stare at the ceiling for an hour? This is bullshit.

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So, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but...you're probably not where you think you should be. What's the last thing you remember?

It's called the Barge. It's... probably not where you wanted to be. Do you remember what happened?

Eh, even if there was a TV, this tub doesn't get cable.

Why? Who the fuck are you?

Yeah, I got bit by some fucking bitch, and now I'm here. Why? And what's "the Barge"?

Oh, great. What the hell kind of shitty motel doesn't even have basic cable?

It's... sort of like purgatory, I guess. It's a ship for people who need redemption. The people here are either wardens or inmates. Since you didn't make a deal to get here, I'd guess you're an inmate.

[Nice. She'll let it go, all things considered.]

I'm Claire. You're on the Barge and you've been brought here for a reason.

[One thing at a time.]

[A short laugh.]

Oh, this isn't a motel, buddy.

[He's disoriented and not-dead in a strange place. He'd probably be nicer under better circumstances, but right now he's just cranky.]

Yeah? And what reason's that?

...You're not working for Her, are you?

...I'm on a boat? You're fucking kidding me. And I don't need redemption, I need my goddamn brother so I can get the hell out of here.

Who's your brother?

So people keep saying. It sure as hell looks like a motel.

[Denial, thy name is Richie]

[so.effing.wary. This is probably a bad idea]

...Seth.

Can't say I've ever heard of him.

Maybe in your room it does. Just go take a look upstairs. Trust me, man, you'll know what I'm talking about when you see it.

["It" being the massive spacescape the Barge is floating through as seen from up on deck.]

Fucking great.

...What did you mean by inmate?

Upstairs. Right.

[Have some background noises for a bit as Richie tries to find his way around. And promptly gets lost at least twice; this is why he's not allowed out on his own (among other, better reasons).]

Do these stairs ever fucking stop?

[Eyeroll.] Just keep going up, slick. There's only eight floors.

[Grumble grumble, and face-pulling, not that Perry can see. But eventually the stairs stop! Finally. Cue moments of complete silence, and then:]

...Where the hell are we?

There it is. [You can hear the grin; sometimes Perry enjoys trolling newbies.] As for where we are? It's going to sound fucking crazy, man, but we're on a spaceship. Well, it's more a freaking cruise ship that sails through space actually, not that it makes much of a difference to us inmates.

There's that word again. What the hell do you mean, inmates. I've been to prison, there's no prison I've ever heard of that's a fucking cruise ship in the middle of space.

Yeah, well, consider yourself hearing it now. This ship's a prison alright. Run by a terrible fucking driver who calls himself the Admiral. He's an asshole and no one's ever seen him. It's staffed by wardens he picks up from all over. [His tone drops from explained-this-all-before casual to a lower growl.] We're the inmates. And we're all dead.

[A scoff]

Bullshit. I'm not dead, I'm breathing and everything. After what that fucking bitch did to me Seth must have just got me to a hospital or something and --

[Yeeeah no. That is a lie, it doesn't work or make sense or explain anything.]

...Fuck.

Yeah. You're freaking dead, man. Whatever that "fucking bitch" did to you must've been pretty serious.

[Pause.]

But hey, according to the wardens, it's not permanent. All you've got to do is want it real hard and then, if you redeem yourself, you get to wake up back home alive and kicking.

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