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notafuckingnut[A/N: Backdated to the day after the Quirks Flood ended.]
[Something's...not right.
Everything was empty, quiet, for days, and looking back that had really been the weird thing, but once the flood wore off it all started to creep back. Flooded, really, inch by inch like a hole in the bottom of a barrel, nagging, prodding, filling the emptiness with words and noise until everything's too bright, too sharp, too everything, and he closes his eyes to try to escape it but it follows him there too.
They're watching. Just waiting for you to slip up, make a mistake, and you WILL. You always do. They KNOW. HE knows. He can see everything, remember?
Little by little, drop by drop, over years, it had been tolerable, barely noticed until it was too late to remember anything else anyway, but all at once, like this, it's more than he can handle, especially after it had all been taken away long enough for him to get used to its absence. It's a fleeting memory, but he still remembers the quiet, and that, above all, is what he wants right now, even if only a little piece of it, for a little while.]
[PUBLIC - audio]
[It's an accident, the first time he flips the feed on, a coincidence of fingers and a need for something tangible, and while there's no image to accompany it, the voice is recognizable, although...uneasy, bordering on anxious.]
Just...stop.
[The feed cuts out as suddenly as it started.]
[PRIVATE to Castiel - audio]
Stop looking. I'm not doing anything.
[PRIVATE to Lua - audio]
You holding at all? I need...something.
...Stop the planet of the apes, I wanna get off.
[Something's...not right.
Everything was empty, quiet, for days, and looking back that had really been the weird thing, but once the flood wore off it all started to creep back. Flooded, really, inch by inch like a hole in the bottom of a barrel, nagging, prodding, filling the emptiness with words and noise until everything's too bright, too sharp, too everything, and he closes his eyes to try to escape it but it follows him there too.
They're watching. Just waiting for you to slip up, make a mistake, and you WILL. You always do. They KNOW. HE knows. He can see everything, remember?
Little by little, drop by drop, over years, it had been tolerable, barely noticed until it was too late to remember anything else anyway, but all at once, like this, it's more than he can handle, especially after it had all been taken away long enough for him to get used to its absence. It's a fleeting memory, but he still remembers the quiet, and that, above all, is what he wants right now, even if only a little piece of it, for a little while.]
[PUBLIC - audio]
[It's an accident, the first time he flips the feed on, a coincidence of fingers and a need for something tangible, and while there's no image to accompany it, the voice is recognizable, although...uneasy, bordering on anxious.]
Just...stop.
[The feed cuts out as suddenly as it started.]
[PRIVATE to Castiel - audio]
Stop looking. I'm not doing anything.
[PRIVATE to Lua - audio]
You holding at all? I need...something.
...Stop the planet of the apes, I wanna get off.
Tags:
- [verse]: if the barge is a-rockin',
- a case of the sanes,
- floods are not low profile,
- floods have backlash,
- let's not do that again,
- life should stay away from technicolor,
- lua's such a mother hen,
- my ineffable warden,
- one step forward three steps back,
- paranoia will destroy ya,
- recognition is the first step,
- richie fails at life,
- save the cheerleader?,
- sound of silence,
- there's a lesson in here somewhere,
- too.much.crazy,
- wardens are supposed to be helpful right,
- you know that's on right?
spam
Date: 2012-05-03 01:00 am (UTC)There's a Richie at the door before she can mess with it too much more, peering out into the hallway; normally he wouldn't bother, but today he needs to see them before he'll let anybody in. A flicker of worry passes across his face, then recognition, and he stands aside to let her in, fingers twitching absently at his side in agitation.]
I didn't realize you were just gonna come over, you didn't have to. You should've said something.
spam
Date: 2012-05-03 01:10 am (UTC)[ There are a couple airplane bottles of vodka in the bottom of her handbag, but even before she got here, saw him this bad off, she had a sense he wouldn't be safe left alone drunk. Lua's never seen him this bad, but if she makes a big deal out of it she'll just make it worse, so she catches his hand and leads him over to sit down. ]
What happened, Richie? What's going on?
spam
Date: 2012-05-03 02:20 am (UTC)[He frowns, because "anybody" never translates to anybody good, but he lets her lead him where she wants. She's good people. He sits down when they get there, tries to keep still but with everything going on he can't, so he just shifts restlessly every so often.]
Nothing. Not really. I just...
[His skull's screwed on too tight, there's too much in there, there's no room in his own head for him and it used to all fit but he can't make it anymore, but there's no words for that, nothing to say that makes it sound like anything less than a big deal. Instead he just shrugs, tries not to think about...anything, really.]
The flood was kind of fucked up. I just need something, okay? I'm not...it's not like I'm gonna do anything bad with it. Just this one time. I promise.
spam
Date: 2012-05-03 09:29 pm (UTC)[ Come on, Richie. Talk to her. ]
spam
Date: 2012-05-03 10:42 pm (UTC)[...Alongside, not what it's for.]
I just need it to be a little less...everything. Just for a little while, I'm not asking for smack or crank or anything here. It's okay. I mean...I'd take a beer, that'd be fine. I just...there's stuff in the walls again and everybody's watching and my head feels like it's gonna explode and it was fine before that fucking flood.
[Shift. Shift. And he starts worrying at his thumb, more for somewhere for the energy to go than for anything really purposeful, avoiding actually looking at her because he doesn't really want to talk about it, he just wants it to stop. Or at least go back to normal.]
spam
Date: 2012-05-03 11:34 pm (UTC)[ She pauses for a moment, and against her better judgment pulls out her bottles, lines them up on the table closer to her than him. ] Might be able to get you something, make it go away better than this. But...
spam
Date: 2012-05-04 02:37 am (UTC)[It might have just been a dream; it seems that way right now. It's hard to remember exactly what it was like when his mind's filled with everything else.]
...But what? What's the catch. There's a catch, I know there is, there's always a catch.
[He eyes the bottles with a kind of quiet desperation, but he won't touch them until she says he can.
spam
Date: 2012-05-05 12:01 am (UTC)spam
Date: 2012-05-05 03:29 am (UTC)Give him a few moments, the too-bright gleam will start to dull to something a little more manageable.]
But what?
spam
Date: 2012-05-05 06:49 pm (UTC)I can't get it for you. Just know who you've got to ask. They'll probably ask you some weird questions, but it'll make them shut up, all right?
spam
Date: 2012-05-06 02:18 am (UTC)spam
Date: 2012-05-06 04:11 am (UTC)spam
Date: 2012-05-06 06:00 pm (UTC)[...Because clearly "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" is the real world.]
...Why can't you just get it? You said you could.
spam
Date: 2012-05-07 12:44 pm (UTC)You remember a while back? When I was sick and didn't check up on you for a couple days?
[ This is risky - she didn't exactly lie to him before, but he might call her on it - but it'll help her. ]
spam
Date: 2012-05-07 02:41 pm (UTC)...Yeah...? What about it?
spam
Date: 2012-05-07 05:03 pm (UTC)They found out a lot of stuff about me, things nobody needed to know about. Kind of things that back home...
[ Since he just said it, she'll leave it unsaid. ]
But they let me go as soon as I could get up, promise. We can't get any more locked up than we are.
spam
Date: 2012-05-07 05:42 pm (UTC)[But he's not entirely convinced.]
You sure? I mean...maybe it was just 'cause it was you, maybe your warden said something.
spam
Date: 2012-05-07 06:56 pm (UTC)I can stay right there, make sure you get out.
spam
Date: 2012-05-08 02:39 am (UTC)[He trusts her. Everything else aside, his own reluctance, instinctive distrust of everything aseptic and painted white...He trusts her. Trusts that she won't steer him wrong, that she'll do the right thing. That her advice is intended to help, not hurt, and if she says this will make this whole...THING easier, he'll take it for what it is.
Even if he doesn't want to.]
spam
Date: 2012-05-08 05:27 am (UTC)spam
Date: 2012-05-08 03:02 pm (UTC)[A hint of defensiveness, annoyance at the implication. Later's a problem too, sure, but it's a distant one. Now's the present, the most important point in time, everything else will come after.]
spam
Date: 2012-05-09 05:26 pm (UTC)spam
Date: 2012-05-09 05:54 pm (UTC)...That my head's fucking killing me and I want something for it? Isn't that enough?
spam
Date: 2012-05-09 05:57 pm (UTC)spam
Date: 2012-05-09 06:21 pm (UTC)[He frowns, even as he reaches for the bottle, and now he's whining. He doesn't want to be whining, but he's whining; he'll do what she says, really he will, he just needs to get his last protest in first.]
spam
From:spam
From:ugh late i hate this semester :(
From:it's okayyyy. *cuddles* life's a bitch sometimes.
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