notafuckingnut | [015] it keeps dragging me down, it's getting kind of lame

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[015] it keeps dragging me down, it's getting kind of lame

[The camera shows the ceiling of his room and all its varied cracks, and...that's it. Off-camera you can hear Richie shouting at...something and the occasional crash of one thing or another toppling from its usual spot. The camera view shakes once, then stills again.

Fortunately he doesn't actually have that many belongings to break.]

Stay. Still. You fucking COCKROACH.

[Another crash as something shatters into pieces.]

a/n: Someone's room has been invaded by faeries. Well. One, anyway. His door's open, so feel free to stop by if you hear the ruckus!

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What do you mean, what am I talking about? Did you not see the fucking flying things?

I see little zippy things,... I think. What, are you saying your room's got bugs?

No bugs I've ever seen; they're like little people. With wings.

And they're going through my shit.

I swear, I am going to kill them. All of them.

"... little people with wings."

[Yep, he's gotta be drunk.]

Uh... good luck with that, dude.

[Behind him, a couple of fairies flit past, almost too fast to be seen. Facing the screen, he completely misses them.]

You've got 'em too! So don't even give me that bullshit.

Got what? I don't got anything in here.

[Meanwhile the fairies are busy shaping David's hair and snickering, tufting up a pair of devil horns from his blonde locks. He still doesn't notice.]

Seamonkeys. Don't you see them? They're right there.

[There's a momentary lull, and then Richie lurches to the side suddenly.]

HEY. DON'T FUCKING-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING. QUIT THAT OR I'M GOING TO CRUSH YOUR--

[Please hold as Richie lunges off the bed to try to deal with the thing. There's more crashing and thuds; he'll be back in a minute.]

You're crazy. There's no-

[And that's when even David can't ignore the fairies anymore, because that's when they decide to dump a midair tub of glitter on him.]

What the fuck?!

[And now they're everywhere here, messing with David's figures and gewgaws, zooming around with his games, and scribbling some lewd message on his shirt. He swats at them but when he gets up, he quickly falls over - they tied his shoelaces together.]

I TOLD YOU.

[He's back. Sans shoes and at least one sock. And he lost his glasses sometime during the struggle; he's not sure where they went and he can't be bothered to try to find them right now.

It's safe to assume there was no crushing or else he'd be worse off than he is.]

[He barely notices. He's rolled under the bed to escape the fairies and they counter by rocking the mattress above him.]

Yeah, yeah, you told me! But you didn't tell me how to get rid of them!

[Now they're flitting under the bed too, poking him relentlessly and giggling all the while. He's seriously consider morphing, right here with Richie watching, just to be rid of these little bastards.]

'Cause I don't know! I keep trying and they won't fucking leave. Generally if you kill things they stop, but I can't even catch 'em.

Fuck this shit. These little bastards wanna fuck with me, I'll give 'em something to fuck with.

[David's picked the rattlesnake, and in doing so, forgotten Rule #34 of the Evil Overlord list.]

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