notafuckingnut | [009] honesty is rarely the best policy

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[009] honesty is rarely the best policy

We crash into things, we stop at fucking weird places, and now the damn boat floods? What's next, we get hit by pirates?

...Actually that would be kinda cool. Maybe then I would get to kill people without everybody hassling me about it all the time. Or join them; I like their philosophy. Their eye patches? Not so much. They creep me out.

Although they are kinda cool underneath; did you know eyeballs don't squish as much as you'd think?

[Cheerful, AFFECTED Richie is both cheerful and affected! Warning: he also shares ENTIRELY too much and is likely to run his mouth until you tell him you really would like him to stop talking. And even then he might try to continue anyway.

Belated, and I really should have put this up sooner:

Trigger Warnings: contained below is casual discussion of rape, torture, animal abuse, accidental murder, and confusion between kink and domestic violence, as well as TERRIBLE anti-rape advice.]

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...Well it's not like I ever mean to kill 'em. It just kinda... happens. But then I can't ever actually explain why it did so I hafta make up a lie that makes it sound okay.

...Which Seth always sees through 'cause he's Seth.

But I'm dead already. They can't fry me when I'm already dead. And I don't think they kill people here for doing things. I mean, I heard what you said, but I probably won't remember it later.

Seth mostly just yells and gets in my face and stuff. But I like your advice.

You shouldn't come up with stories, then, just say it. It's easier.

I meant they'd take you to the chair when you went home if you did it again. You get the same advice from Seth as me? You should probably listen to him.

But he wouldn't like it. I don't like making him worry, he's scary when he worries. It's better to tell a story and hope he goes for it even if he doesn't; he wants to believe 'em.

...I'm dead though. I'd still be dead when I went back. I think.

Seth doesn't really advise. He yells and shoves and says "no" a lot. Not really advice. I try to listen though. It just...doesn't stick for long.

... think you need more help than Seth or I can give you.

But I'm fucking fine. Why does everybody think I'm not?

...What kind of help? I don't think I really want to know but I'm asking anyway.

I want to say an analyst but I don't think that's the kind of thing you need. I don't know but you need someone smarter than either of us.

...What, you mean like a SHRINK? Fuck that. I don't want anybody poking around in my brain, it's crowded enough as it is. Will already tried and I don't fucking like it.

I'm not crazy. I'm NOT. And I'm going to keep saying it until somebody proves otherwise. And even then I'll probably still say it anyway.

I don't understand why you're angry about the idea. It's not bad if you're crazy unless it gets in the way of you doing what you want. Everyone says Ladd is, and they're right, but when he's got someone there to look out for him - like he had me or you had Seth - he's okay.

Because I don't want to be! 'Cause Seth treats me like a kid when he thinks I'm acting that way and I fucking hate it but I don't get what the hell I'm doing wrong because it makes sense but he never sees it. Or believes me; not really, even though he says he does. And it just...sucks.

What the hell kind of a name is Lad?

Then you need someone who can help you work it out. Not a doctor if you don't want that, and I know you don't like your warden, and I'm not smart enough... I don't know who.

[there are weirder names in her universe] Never asked him.

It's not that I don't like Will; he's not all bad. I just don't get him. So I don't trust him.

Someone gave me mine's file. I get a little about her now, and I hate that, because that means she might be right about what I have to do to get out of here.

You have anyone else you can trust around here?

OH! I got his file too. I looked through it, sort of. It didn't help though.

Ehh. You. And...that's it. I want to trust Will 'cause he's my warden and everything and I know that's what he's there for and he's just trying to help but I'm afraid he's gonna try to replace Seth. And I resent him for that.

Get into who he is so you can know how to handle him. You don't have to let him help you in the way he wants, but you can try to get him to help you the way you want if you know him better.

It makes me sad I'm the only person you trust here, but at the same time it makes me feel like you need me. That feels good, but I don't think I should want you to need me.

...Like how I know I can get away with shit with Seth as long as I tell him what I saw He doesn't always believe me but he usually lets it go as long as it's not a girl 'cause he doesn't want me to be a nutcase either. Okay, I'll remember that.

I don't like needing you; I don't like needing anybody. I don't like needing Seth either, but I can't imagine not needing him so I try not to think about how much I do. It's why I hate being here so much; he's not and I don't know what to do with myself. Plus he's my brother so it's different; I know he's got my back. You...I'm not sure about still. I think you do too, but you're a girl so it's weird.

I don't want to talk about this anymore; it's making me feel vulnerable and I fucking hate that. Usually I hurt people who try to make me feel that way but I don't want to hurt you 'cause I actually like you.

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