notafuckingnut | [009] honesty is rarely the best policy

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[009] honesty is rarely the best policy

We crash into things, we stop at fucking weird places, and now the damn boat floods? What's next, we get hit by pirates?

...Actually that would be kinda cool. Maybe then I would get to kill people without everybody hassling me about it all the time. Or join them; I like their philosophy. Their eye patches? Not so much. They creep me out.

Although they are kinda cool underneath; did you know eyeballs don't squish as much as you'd think?

[Cheerful, AFFECTED Richie is both cheerful and affected! Warning: he also shares ENTIRELY too much and is likely to run his mouth until you tell him you really would like him to stop talking. And even then he might try to continue anyway.

Belated, and I really should have put this up sooner:

Trigger Warnings: contained below is casual discussion of rape, torture, animal abuse, accidental murder, and confusion between kink and domestic violence, as well as TERRIBLE anti-rape advice.]

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[Also affected.] Eyepatches have no eyes underneath. My own was ripped out of me in a battle against the usurper Kalnor, who wanted the Empire. I suppose you could take the view it was ironic since I also tried to assassinate the serving Chancellor, but it's only superficial. I had no desire to take over, just to ensure that the Federation didn't pollute the Empire with their pacific ideals.

...I know eyepatches don't have eyes underneath. That's why people cover them. They make people uncomfortable. The patches themselves are what creep me out because you don't know what's under there. You can guess, but it's hidden so you don't know for sure. It could be an attack weasel that wants to chew your balls off for all you know. The socket part's kinda cool.

Although I'm not so sure about the skull-fucking thing. I mean, I'm a little curious, but I'm always worried they're gonna end up being a zombie, and getting turned through your dick's kinda a shitty way to go, yanno?

So that's how you got that. I was wondering, but I've never really talked to you before so it was a little hard to ask.

My patch is bolted on, a weasel, though I have no clue what that is and assuming it's an animal, would quickly die. Also it would be rather uncomfortable and distracting.

Zombification is a disturbing fate, regardless of how you get there.

How don't you know what a weasel is? It's a weasel. Everybody knows what that is; I didn't even graduate and I know what a weasel is. But the fact that your patch is bolted on makes me feel better so I appreciate that.

Well yeah. But it would be worse if it started in your dick; it's the kind of thing people have nightmares about. Or like that magic trick where the magician makes you think you don't have one 'cause he's a douchebag.

I am not human and I am reminded of this everyday, being turned into a human, whether through flooding or the expectations of humans is extremely irritating and I wish to kill whoever makes the mistake. I only don't because killing humans is tedious and only a few of them are even threatening. Plus, this coming back to life bothers me.

But you look human. How can you not be human? I'm probably going to continue not to believe you because I'm having trouble adjusting to this whole situation, even though I act like I'm not; I'm really hoping this is all just one big nightmare and I'll wake up and everything will be the way it's supposed to be.

I don't look human. You assume that I do, because you are of limited mind and experience. In other words, you are stupid.

You DO look human though. You look like everybody else, I mean except for the eyepatch thing. So do vampires, but it's easier for me to ignore the things that disprove my opinions so I do.

Fuck you, I'm not stupid. Just narrow-minded and too stubborn for my own good; there's a difference.

So what are you if you're not human?

No, I don't. I have a crest. I didn't always, but I do now. It is made from bone.

No, you're stupid.

I'm a Klingon.

You....don't though. I don't see one anyway.

No, you're just an ass. I'm probably going to try to kill you in the hallways now and claim it was an accident because you pissed me off.

...Bullshit. Those don't actually exist.

This? [He points to the crest on his forehead.]

You can try but you will fail. And likely die. But only if I'm in the mood. Sometimes, I'm not. this coming back from the dead thing gets me down.

Yes, they do.

It's not communicable like that. You're an idiot.

You don't know that. It could be.

No, I don't know that.

But from my years of experience in my own world, death and autoresurrection requires one to already be a carrier of the Plague of Undeath, which needs to be directly ingested to take hold in the body. Manual resurrection is solely by the will of a necromancer.

There's also a bone in the back of the eye socket. It's not deep enough to fuck unless you're like an inch and a half. Possible.

You an expert or something? But thanks I guess, that's reassuring. There's a special name for zombie plague?

Fuck you, I'm bigger than that. And you're a buzzkill.

Yes, sure, no, don't care, probably.

Edited 2011-09-29 13:56 (UTC)

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