notafuckingnut | [001] where were you, I was worried

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[001] where were you, I was worried

[Text. Or, more specifically, a series of them, spread a couple minutes apart]

SETH. Cmon Seth this isn't funny. Where the fuck r u weve got a rendezvous 2 make. At least I think we do. What the fuck is this place anyway? The service sucks the beds like a rock and there isn't even a TV. What am I supposed to do in here stare at the ceiling for an hour? This is bullshit.

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[Eyeroll.] Just keep going up, slick. There's only eight floors.

[Grumble grumble, and face-pulling, not that Perry can see. But eventually the stairs stop! Finally. Cue moments of complete silence, and then:]

...Where the hell are we?

There it is. [You can hear the grin; sometimes Perry enjoys trolling newbies.] As for where we are? It's going to sound fucking crazy, man, but we're on a spaceship. Well, it's more a freaking cruise ship that sails through space actually, not that it makes much of a difference to us inmates.

There's that word again. What the hell do you mean, inmates. I've been to prison, there's no prison I've ever heard of that's a fucking cruise ship in the middle of space.

Yeah, well, consider yourself hearing it now. This ship's a prison alright. Run by a terrible fucking driver who calls himself the Admiral. He's an asshole and no one's ever seen him. It's staffed by wardens he picks up from all over. [His tone drops from explained-this-all-before casual to a lower growl.] We're the inmates. And we're all dead.

[A scoff]

Bullshit. I'm not dead, I'm breathing and everything. After what that fucking bitch did to me Seth must have just got me to a hospital or something and --

[Yeeeah no. That is a lie, it doesn't work or make sense or explain anything.]

...Fuck.

Yeah. You're freaking dead, man. Whatever that "fucking bitch" did to you must've been pretty serious.

[Pause.]

But hey, according to the wardens, it's not permanent. All you've got to do is want it real hard and then, if you redeem yourself, you get to wake up back home alive and kicking.

She bit me, is what she did.

[...Which is worse than it sounds, but he's not going into it.]

Oh, is that all. Redeem myself for what?

Whatever it was that they say you did wrong back home. [If you could see him, he'd be waving a hand dismissively.]

She bit you to death?

What, like the robberies and shit? But we had to do those.

[...And clearly he has never done anything else wrong or worse in his entire life.]

She took a fucking chunk out of my neck.

[...No, he is NOT letting this go. Apparently.]

Sounds like a pretty bad date, man.

[He'll come back to the way the Barge works later. For now, time for trollin'.]

Don't trust strippers in Mexico, man. Fuck.

So how'd you die?

On the operating table.

...You serious? What, you get shot or something?

Yeah, I'm serious. Why the fuck would I say it if I wasn't serious? Some asshole cop motherfucker shot me twice.

[Yes, that was totally the thing that killed him. Or at least, that's all he's going to tell you.]

Fucking pig. What'd he do that for?

[OBVIOUSLY BECAUSE PERRY WAS DOING SOMETHING HORRIBLE, RICHIE. geez.]

Guess he thought I deserved it.

[IT'S SO TRUE. Aaaand Perry's changing the subject.]

So who's Seth?

Hope you made him pay for it, at least.

He's my brother. We were on a job and then... [there was celebration and everything went to hell?] Now I'm here. I kinda figured he would be too.

I will.

What, he get bitten as well?

No -- at least, not that I know. He coulda been.

Is getting attacked by crazy girls a regular hazard in your line of work or was it a special occasion?

One girl. The rest of 'em were keeping to themselves aside from the dancing. And no, it's not a fucking regular thing.

[Yes, he sounds a little offended by your implications, Perry.]

So it was a special occasion, then?

Do you get attacked by girls who are batshit insane regularly?

I don't get attacked at all. [A little exaggeration, but he's usually the one doing the attacking.]

Edited 2011-08-12 15:25 (UTC)

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