notafuckingnut | [029] If I was a tree growing tall and green all I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

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[029] If I was a tree growing tall and green all I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

[VIDEO - (accidental) public]

[He doesn't want to be here.

That's obvious enough to anyone, receiver or no. He said yes to get the angel off his case, to make him go away, and he's here so he won't come looking for him, but that doesn't mean he wants this. He doesn't understand why he needs to, what he could possibly get out of it, and so what if he said it would be Good for him, that it would Help; he doesn't care if he graduates. Not really, not right now anyway. Not if you can leave without it, not if people that are supposed to matter don't stick around. He's defeated, and miserable, and apathetic, and abandoned, and PISSED, all roiling together in an incomprehensible and disjointed mess, the whole thing colored with a sense of wrongness that creeps at the edges of awareness and slips away just out of reach under closer scrutiny, and he feels like he's going to split apart at the seams but he can't articulate WHY.]

Why do you need to work in a greenhouse anyway, doesn't it all just grow? It's not like you need to help it with that, it can do it on its own.

[SPAM for Castiel]

[Knock knock on the greenhouse door; you're going to have to let him in.]

[A/N: Richie is completely affected because pshh sticking to the original plan, what's that? GIVE HIM YOUR FEELS.]

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[Cause = boy be crazy. But poke at it enough and that will be evident enough anyway.]

Bullshit. Fuck you, that's not even...

I don't do that.

[Sure you do, and there's that feeling again. It twists and shifts and pries, pulling in tighter, slipping through the cracks, and uncertainty seeps out. Defensiveness too, because he knows the right answer, even if most of him doesn't agree, and it only pisses him off more.]

[Have some wheezing laughter, then some wheezing, then Raistlin pulls out his new inhaler and, after using it for a few puffs, he answers.]

Don't you? Odd, I seem to have a distinct memory of you attacking me in the hallway when we first met.

No, that's not true. You started it, it was self-defense. You were being a dick and walked into me.

[Wrong. Another untruth, though one he's equally convinced of, and it twists again, loops in on itself, pulls and pushes and pries things apart and the headache he's been nursing ever since this whole fucking thing started kicks up a few notches, dragging anxiety up as it does, making him more defensive because he can't put words to why, and it's a vicious circle that's only likely to get worse the more Raistlin pokes at it. ...The fact that he's actually GLEEFUL about Richie's discomfort doesn't really help, since he feels the sudden urge to laugh and that, at least, he KNOWS doesn't make any kind of sense.]

Even if that had been intentional, I doubt you could consider bumping into you something that required physical force to defend yourself from, particularly after you'd been holding my arm and not permitting me to leave for a few minutes and yet I hadn't done anything further to you.

[He waits to see how Richie will react emotionally, curious now. It was incredible how much Richie twisted the truth, but how would his emotions spike when someone pointed out what actually happened?]

No, it's...That's not what happened. You were gonna tell the fucking Nazis in the medical ward that I was a nutcase. And who the fuck knows what they woulda done with that, I'm not getting...poked and injected with shit. It was self defense.

[More certain, defensive, indignant, no trace of division this time. This he believes completely, thoroughly, but it's coated in wrongness, invaded completely until it's impossible to tell the difference between what he believes and what he knows or the conflict between the two. He believes so he knows, and it doesn't matter if the information's unreliable, he can't separate fact from fiction.]

No, I wasn't. I was going to go there for my own needs, but you are far too self centered to even think of that, aren't you?

[There's a surge of disgust at Richie's refusal to see the truth.]

Bullshit. I was there, I saw you. I know you were thinking it.

[The disgust's reflected back; it's not too far off his own sentiments anyway.]

Oh? You read minds, then? [Raistlin returns a deluge of smugness.]

I didn't need to.

[That's okay, Richie doesn't really recognize it as the wizard's. As far as he's concerned he has the upper ground here.]

Edited 2012-04-13 18:40 (UTC)

Clearly, you did. We come from different worlds, and where I'm from there would be little point in reporting madness. The mad where I'm from are simply taken care of by their families, rather than being treated in infirmaries.

In other words, [He said, giving off more of a sense of smugness,] you were acting the part of a fool, but I'm sure that's not unusual for you.

I'm. Not. Crazy.

[Determinedly deluded about this, but still piiiissed.]

Of course not. [The sarcasm is now more easily detected than it usually would be.]

You wanna go?

...go where? [And from this, there is genuine confusion at the phrasing, something that would be unfamiliar to someone from Krynn.]

[...What. Confusion right back, irritation put on hold for a few seconds, at least. Who doesn't know what that means?]

...Anywhere. You call it.

...I can already go anywhere on the Barge that you can, and I don't want to go anywhere with you regardless.

[More confusion. What was Richie going on about now?]

...No. You're missing the point.

[Frustration; stop ruining his need to stab you in the gut or shoot you in the face or at LEAST break your nose with your inability to figure out where he's going with this. It's not rocket surgery, after all.]

...there was a point?

Yeah. I'm not fucking crazy.

Yes, you said that already. [Raistlin begins giving off a bit of irritation now, feeling frustrated at how it either goes in circles or just stops making any sense.]

Well when you keep saying I am, I'm not just gonna stand by and take it.

Perhaps, then, you shouldn't act the part. I've been called crazy myself, but I certainly wouldn't prove people correct by making vague statements about wanting to go...somewhere.

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